Bad Santa (2003)
A Santa and Elf team of con artists move from city to city robbing businesses on Christmas day.
While sitting at a bar in Milwaukee, Willie narrates all the bad things that have gone on during his life. He then walks out of the bar and vomits in the alley. Milwaukee Mother and Milwaukee Boy ride the mall escalator to the Santa display and Milwaukee Boy exclaims in wonder. Marcus hands a printed photo to Milwaukee Mom with Photo, which shows Willie staring at the ground and her daughter staring off to the side, and Milwaukee Mom with Photo declines to buy more copies. Drum Set Girl tells Willie she wants a drum set for Christmas. Milwaukee Bratty Kid is next and tells Willie, he isn't the real Santa, and Willie bumps him off his lap. After the last kid is done, Marcus walks over to Willie and notices Willie peed himself. Milwaukee Security Guard says goodbye to the departing shoppers and employees, but stops Willie as he is trying to leave. He tells Willie his pants look baggy and insinuates Willie is using them to hide something, but Willie insults him and walks out. Milwaukee Security Guard initiates the mall store alarm system and a timer starts. Marcus, who was hiding as a snowman in the Christmas display runs to the alarm and turns it off. He opens the back door and lets Willie in and Willie starts breaking into the safe while Marcus grabs items from the store based off of a list he has. Willie gets the safe open and they gather the money and get into a van driven by Lois and drive away. Willie and Marcus go to a bar and Willie buys Marcus a shot from Milwaukee Bartender. Marcus tells Willie he is taking longer to break open the safes and Willie tells him he is going to retire and buy a bar on the beach in Miami. Marcus doesn't believe him and tells Willie, he is just going to drink his money away.
Several months later at Miami Beach, Willie is standing behind a bar cutting limes. Miami Bartender walks up to him and tells him to get away from behind his bar, Willie chugs a shot and curses at Miami Bartender and Miami Bartender physically throws him out of the bar. Willie then eats a corn dog and watches a women playing volleyball. His alarm goes off at 11:15 am and he throws it into his apartment wall and chugs the remainder of a beer. He walks up to a valet booth and steals a bunch of keys. He presses the clickers on the key rings and then steals a Jaguar and drives to the address on the vehicle registration card. He eats and drinks from the fridge in the house and then steals money from the safe. He goes to a strip joint and picks up a waitress and brings her home. Willie listens to his phone messages and gets one from Marcus, who tells him to meet him in Phoenix.
Several days later, in Phoenix, Arizona, walk to their first day of work. Harrison angrily takes the mall escalator down as Bob Chipeska explains to him why he was fired and replaced with Willie and Marcus. Harrison calls Willie and Marcus hacks and Chipeska introduces himself to them. As Big Booty Woman walks by, Willie stares intently at her butt. Willie overhears Chipeska talk about their performance and accuses him of talking about his genitalia. Marcus is forced to try and smooth things over and blames Willie's comments on low blood sugar. Chipeska goes to Gin and tells him what Willie said and mentions Marcus. Marcus tries to get the kids excited and asks Photo Elf if she has seen Willie. Photo Elf tells him Willie is in the back drunk. Marcus goes and yells at Willie and tells him to act professional. Nintendo Deer Hunter 3 Boy sneezes ice cream all over Willie's face and then asks for a Nintendo Deer Hunter game. Barbie Girl is next and after she asks for a Barbie Girl, she accidentally steps on Willie's foot. Fraggle-Stick Boy is next and he asks for a Fraggle-Stick car, which confuses Willie and Marcus. The Kid gets off the bus and Skateboard Bully throws an aluminum can at his head. The Kid is eventually next in line to see Willie. He pulls on Willie's beard and Willie tells him he lost his hair from having sex with an unclean woman. The Kid keeps on asking questions and Willie tells Marcus to get him away from him.
After work Willie goes to The Brass Monkey bar where he sees Hindustani Troublemaker staring at him. Sue walks over to Willie and pours him another drink and makes conversation with him. They have sex in Willie's car and after Sue leaves, Hindustani Troublemaker runs up to Willie and pushes him. He then grabs Willie and tries to sexually assault him, but Willie is saved by The Kid. Willie drives The Kid home and while they are driving there, The Kid constantly asks Willie questions about the North Pole and reindeer. Willie asks The Kid if his parents are home and finds out, The Kid only lives with his Grandma. They go inside after Willie puts on a ski mask and Grandma confuses The Kid for his father, Roger Merman. Willie realizes she has dementia and then steals from the family safe and leaves in the family car. While Chipeska is walking through the women's big and tall he hears Willie having sex with a customer in the changing room. Chipeska brings Willie and Marcus into his office and says he caught one of them having sex with a woman in the changing room. He attempts to fire them, but Willie and Marcus threaten to sue him for unfair practices and then leave his office. While walking through the food court, Marcus sees Willie flirting with Pinball Girl. Chipeska has a meeting with Gin and tells him about the incident in the changing room and his attempt at firing Willie and Marcus. Gin tells Chipeska he will look into Willie and that night, Willie drives to the motel and sees someone in his room. He calls Opal over and she tells him someone that looked like a cop was asking about him.
Willie drives to The Kid's house and tells him he is going to be staying with him and The Kid tells him he wants a pink stuffed elephant for Christmas. The next morning, The Kid shows Willie his advent calendar. While Willie is at lunch in the food court, Woman in Food Court and her son walk up to him and he yells at them that he is on his lunch break. Gin catches Shoplifter wandering around a video game store and accuses Shoplifter of trying to steal a game. He pulls it from Shoplifter's pants and then Gin takes Shoplifter's MP3 player from him. Herb goes to The Kid's house and asks Willie if he will participate in the neighborhood luminarias program. Willie and Sue start to hang out more and after one night of getting drunk, Willie finds The Kid's advent calendar and eats all of the remaining candy and then passes out. The next morning he finds it and fells bad. Willie and Marcus put Willie's safe cracking equipment in his Santa sack and are stopped by Phoenix Security Guard who refuses to let them in before exactly 8 am. Marcus crawls through the duct system until he gets to the security camera room and writes down all the makes and models of the equipment. As Gin is getting a pedicure from Pedicurist, he gets a call from his associate who gives him information from Willie's license plate and that the vehicle belongs to Roger Merman, who is serving time in prison. Prison Guard takes Gin to the prison booth where Gin asks Roger if he has any house guests, and Roger has no idea what he is talking about.
The Kid asks Willie if he has seen his advent calendar and when The Kid finds it, the doors have been taped back on and the candy is candy corn. Gin tells Chipeska that Willie has a clean record. As The Kid is walking to the mall, he is attacked by Skateboard Bully and his friends. After Pokemon Child tells Willie he wants Pokemon, The Kid walks up to him and tells him he wants a gorilla named Davy to beat up the Skateboard Bully. Willie tells The Kid he needs to learn how to take care of himself. Gin walks up to Marcus and then he, Willie and Marcus have a meeting that evening. He tells them he knows what they do and demands a 50% cut on the money they steal and they reluctantly agree. The next morning, Willie comes to work heavily intoxicated as a group of children stare in shock, forcing both Marcus and Gin to cover for him. As Willie is in the garage trying to commit carbon monoxide suicide in Roger's car, The Kid walks in and Willie gives him a letter to give to the police and then notices The Kid has a black eye. Willie goes to the mall and beats up Skateboard Bully in front of Watching Boys. He tells Marcus what he did and then they try to train The Kid how to fight.
A few days before Christmas, Willie and Sue find Grandma prone and at first think she has died, until she suddenly wakes up and offers to make them sandwiches. The Kid gives Willie his present, but Willie doesn't have a present for him. Marcus and Lois set a trap for Gin, and act like their car has broken down. As Gin goes to help them, Lois rams him with the van and then Marcus puts the jumper cables on Gin's ears, killing him. The night before Christmas, Chipeska announces that the store will be closing in five minutes as Phoenix Security Guard wishes everyone a Merry Christmas, including Lois, who positions a table of shirts under an air duct opening. Marcus climbs into the air ducts and turns off the security cameras before rushing over and turning off the alarm system the Phoenix Security Guard set. As Willie breaks into the safe, Marcus steals items from Lois' list. Willie gets the safe open and then goes to get The Kid a pink elephant and after he gets it, Marcus pulls a gun on him and tells him, he and Lois killed Gin. As Marcus is about to shoot Willie, Police Chief and a group of police order Marcus to drop his weapon. A shootout starts and Willie manages to get in his car and drive away. He drives to The Kid's house and as he is running to the front door with The Kid's pink elephant, he is shot multiple times and collapses as neighborhood kids watch and scream.
Willie writes a letter to The Kid telling him, he sent him a t-shirt and Sue will be living with him temporarily and Willie is going to be made the sensitivity counselor for the Phoenix Police Department. He continues that Marcus and Lois are going to be spending time in prison and finishes he will be out of the hospital soon. The Kid goes outside with his new "Shit Happens When You Party Naked" t-shirt and as he is washing his bike, Skateboard Bully starts to bully him until The Kid kicks him in the genitals and rides away on his bike, while giving Skateboard Bully the finger.