Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)
Robin Hood returns from the Crusades and forms a band of Merry Men.
A group of bowmen shoot flaming arrows into the sky. A Complaining Villager yells her house is on fire and Buxom Lass yells to call the fire brigade. The Fire Marshall arrives with his men and Angry Villager complains there should be a better way of doing the credits and the Fire Marshall says every time they do a Robin Hood movie, their village gets burned down. The Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers introduce what is happening and how Prince John and the Sheriff of Rottingham were raising the taxes on the local people and how the people's morale was low. They then continue that Robin Hood was in prison and about to be executed.
At the Khalil Prison in Jerusalem, Robin is brought before the Dungeon Maitre D', who takes Robin to his cell. Robin is given a beard to match appropriate attire by Irving and then introduced to the Head Saracen Guard. Head Saracen Guard questions Robin about the location of King Richard. After Robin refuses to talk, Head Saracen Guard tells Assistant Saracen Guard to hand the tongue looseners to him and after using them on Robin, Robin is chained next to Asneeze. Asneeze introduces himself and then figures out they can get themselves free using their feet. They break the bar holding their chains which alerts the Assistant Saracen Guard who walks into the cell. Robin and Asneeze tell the Assistant Saracen Guard, Robin is willing to tell the location of King Richard and Assistant Saracen Guard runs off excited to tell his superior. After he leaves, Robin and Asneeze free themselves and the other prisoners and escape and the Assistant Saracen Guard returns to find everyone gone. Three men in jockey uniforms race until Lead Camel Jockey pulls ahead. Asneeeze tells Robin, his son Ahchoo is an exchange student in England and asks Robin to look after him.
Robin swims his way back to England and rents a horse. He comes across a group of Sheriff of Rottingham's soldiers beating up on Ahchoo. Robin helps Ahchoo fight them off and the Sheriff's Guard yells that Robin and Achoo haven't seen the last of them. Robin then unfurls six arrows and pins the Sheriff's Guard to a tree. Robin and Ahchoo ride to Loxley Hall as it is being repossessed by the Tax Assessor. The Tax Assessor hands Robin a parchment that states that due to failure to pay taxes, all the lands, castles and properties belonging to the Loxley family are to be taken. The castle is rolled away leaving Blinkin exposed sitting on the toilet reading a braille copy of Ye Olde Playboy. Robin greets Blinkin, who initially confuses him with a statue. Blinkin tells him his parents are dead, as are Robin's brothers, his dog Pongo, his fish Goldy and even his cat. Blinkin gives Robin a locket Robin's father wanted him to have that included a key inside which unlocks the greatest treasure in the land. Ahchoo and Blinkin greet each other and a Young Lad runs up to the group asking for help. The Sheriff of Rottingham rides up as his men play kazoos. The Sheriff accuses Young Lad of poaching in Prince John's land. After Robin asks if it is an offense, the Sheriff sarcastically asks him where he has been and Robin counters that he has been fighting with King Richard in the Crusades as his father wasn't able to get him in the National Guard. Robin cuts the strap on the Sheriff's saddle and forces the Sheriff to ride away upside down. Young Lad tells Robin he will tell others of his bravery and Robin says a long list of injustices he plans to rectify.
In her castle, Marian sits in a tub and sings a song wondering when her true love will arrive. Broomhilde walks in and tells Marian she needs to get out of the tub before she catches a cold. A bluebird lands on Marian's hand and she wishes she will meet a man who will possess the key to her girdle. The Sheriff enters Prince John's castle and tells him he must speak with him. Prince John sends everyone else in court away, put promises to see Giggling Court Lady later. The Sheriff tells him, he has bad news and Robin is back. Prince John calls for Latrine and runs to the tower and tells her about Robin. She creates a brew and tells him Robin could be dangerous. She offers to help him if he puts in a good word for her to the Sheriff. Robin, Ahchoo and Blinkin encounter Little John guarding a bridge across a tiny brook. Little John demands a toll and when Robin refuses to pay it, he challenges him to a fight. Will Scarlet O'Hara tosses a staff to Robin and Ahchoo tries to stop them from fighting by pointing out the brook is really shallow and they can just jump across. Robin says it is all about the principal of the matter and beats Little John in a staff fight. Robin saves Little John from drowning in the shallow brook and Robin and his group becomes friends with Little John and Will.
At Prince John's Party, a Mime starts to bore the Sheriff and Prince John and at first is sentenced to death by the Sheriff before Prince John intervenes. Marian walks into the dinner chamber and the Sheriff tries to trick her into a date. Robin barges into the party and insults Prince John to the gasps of the Party Guests and flirts with Marian. The Sheriff challenges Robin to a duel and a fight breaks out between Robin and the Sheriff's guards. Ahchoo, Blinkin, Little John and Will break into the castle and help in the fight. A group of knights in armor surround the banquet hall and Robin and his men escape by knocking them over like dominoes. Little John assembles the best men throughout England, including Villager. Robin gives a speech to the Villagers that they must stop Prince John and the Sheriff which fails to inspire them. Ahchoo then steps up and gives a Malcolm X like speech which inspires the villagers. The Villagers are given their equipment, including pantyhose. A group are then taught how to use a bow and arrow, but are Inept Archers. They also are terrible at mounted charging with a pole. The Sheriff tells Prince John, Robin has struck again and notices Prince John's mole has changed sides. While showing Prince John a stealth catapult, the Sheriff is ejected into Latrine's hut.
Rabbi Tuckman rides into Sherwood Forest in a wagon carrying barrels of wine. He is stopped by Robin and his Merry Men and tells Robin he just came from Marian's and she and Robin are made for each other. Rabbi Tuckman explains what a mohel is and then agrees to drink wine with them. The Sheriff has a meeting with Don Giovanni, Filthy Luca and Dirty Ezio. The Sheriff and Don Giovanni discuss killing Robin. Don Giovanni comes up with a plan to assassinate Robin during an archery tournament. Marian hears of the plot and she and Broomhilde ride to warn Robin. Little John and a group of Merry Men Dancers sing about wearing tights. Marian tells Robin about the Sheriff's plan and Robin promises "you won't go". Robin then sings to Marian as the Merry Men watch. Marian tells him about her chastity belt and how it is written that someday someone will come with a key that fits. At the Annual Spring Fair, the Peanut Vendor sells bags of peanuts to spectators of the archery contest. Blinkin, Ahchoo, Little John and Will show up dressed in women's gowns. The Royal Announcer yells that the archery contest is about to begin. Prince John asks the Sheriff if everything is ready and the Sheriff motions towards Dirty Ezio who is looking out from the Folio Depository. Robin, who is disguised as an old man, makes it past the first round and in the next round faces Filthy Luca for the win. Robin hits a bullseye, but Filthy Luca splits Robin's arrow with his own. Robin, who is in shock that he lost, reads the script and figures out he gets another shot. Dirty Ezio tries to assassinate Robin, but Blinkin grabs the arrow before it hits Robin. Robin then fires a Patriot Arrow that automatically flies towards the target and hits the target from the backside. The Sheriff orders Robin arrested and Marian offers to marry the Sheriff if he spares Robin.
The Merry Men go to 12th Century Fox to send a fox message to the Villagers to organize them. Before Robin's hanging, The Hangman asks him what his neck size is. The Abbot arrives with the Sheriff and then Marian is walked to the aisle by Prince John. The Abbot gives a prayer in pig Latin before starting the wedding ceremony. When The Abbot finds out that the Sheriff's name is Mervyn, he laughs, along with the Wedding Guests. As Marian is about to say ado, Ahchoo shoots the rope, freeing Robin from his noose. The Villagers arrive and a fight breaks out between the Merry Men and Prince John's soldiers. The Sheriff kidnaps Marian and carries her away. He is trying to break into Marian's chastity belt with a jackhammer when Robin enters the room. Robin and the Sheriff fight and Robin's locket is sliced off by the Sheriff and flies into the ceiling shattering, and dropping a key. The key lands in Marian's chastity belt, and is the perfect size. The Sheriff accidentally impales himself on Robin's sword and Latrine runs in and tells him she has a pill that will save his life if he marries her. He agrees and Latrine saves him and then drags him screaming away. Marian and Robin tell each other they love them, and Broomhilde stops them from having sex. Rabbi Tuckman is about to marry Robin and Marian when King Richard returns from the Crusades. Due to his brother's treachery, King Richard proclaims that from now on, toilets will be called John's and Prince John is taken away to the Tower of London. Robin's lands are restored including all of Sherwood Forest and he is knighted. King Richard kisses Marian and then Robin and Marian are married. Robin makes Ahchoo the new sheriff of Rottingham and then Robin and Marian ride off. The Sherwood Forest Rapper-Dancers sing one last song ending the story. Robin brings Marian home and as they are about to have sex the lock won't open and he calls for a locksmith.