The Telephone Book (1971)
A woman searches for the maker of the best obscene phone call she ever received.
Alice is bored, sitting in her apartment when she calls the dial-a-prayer and listens to a prayer message. Mr. Smith walks to a payphone and calls Alice and describes what he wants to do to her sexually.
Obscene-Caller admits to making obscene phone calls and describes how he used to stick his one hand in hot pea soup and then call nuns, but he doesn't have to worry about anything anymore due to the soon to be invasion from Atlantis.
Eyemask gets a call from Alice who tells her about the obscene phone call, but Eyemask is too busy to listen. Mr. Smith calls Alice again and offers to call her at specific times. Alice tells him she wants to see him, but he refuses. Before hanging up, he tells her his name is John Smith.
Narrator warns the viewer that what they are about to see could be provocative.
Alice goes down the list of John Smith's in the phone book and calls and asks them if they are the ones making obscene phone calls, until she finds someone who tells her they are. Alice goes to the apartment of John Smith and finds Har Poon thrusting against a woman. He tells her that he was the greatest stag movie star of all time and tells her his stage name, which is Har Poon. He calls for more woman and an orgy starts. Whip Woman walks into the room and starts screaming and using her whip. A Dancer walks in and starts dancing randomly and then jumps on the pile of bodies. Har Poon tells Alice to join the group and Mr. Smith calls the residence of Har Poon and asks to speak with Alice. Mr. Smith tells her Har Poon is an impostor and Alice leaves.
Alice calls Eyemask, who advises her to forget about Mr. Smith. and asks to use her phone. Alice takes the subway and an Analyst sits across from her and then exposes himself. Alice then exposes herself to him and he runs away. She catches up with him and he tells her what his job is and tells her, he isn't Mr. Smith. He offers her money if she entertains him and she tells him of the best sex she ever with Man in Bed. She then goes on to describe Man in Bed who had a giant erection that never went away. She continues that one day she met up with Man in Bed and tried to help him with his problem. After her story, she leaves Analyst and as she goes to use a payphone, has all her change stolen by a Mugger. Alice cries out, but no one helps her. Woman In The Park sees her sitting despondent and invites her to come with her. Mr. Smith calls the home of Woman In The Park and tells Alice to go home. She waits for him, and he comes to her apartment.
Another Obscene-Caller relates how he makes obscene calls, because he is a creep and knew he was a creep since he was in high school. He first started by calling someone, because he didn't like their last name, and cursing at them. He then progressed to making obscene phone calls, but stopped when he was arrested and beat up by the police.
A third Obscene-Caller talks about how she masturbates and then makes obscene phone calls.
Mr. Smith admits to Alice that he is all talk, and doesn't have much sex. He continues that he calls about 1,000 women a year, but takes two weeks off to go on a fishing vacation.
A fourth Obscene-Caller reminisces how his mother never used to let him smell her pants, about a girl named Betty Anne and how his dad was mean and used to cross dress. He says that he stopped making obscene calls, because of becoming rational.
Mr. Smith relates to Alice how obscene callers have received bad press from all the amateurs flooding the phone lines. He says that no other man could please a woman like he can. He relates how he once called a phone number and a Young Girl answered the phone and the time he called an Old Lady. Alice asks him to call Eyemask and he does. Eyemask asks to see Mr. Smith and Mr. Smith gives Alice a bath. He tells her his background and how he was asked to be an astronaut. During the final test, he was rejected after blurting out something obscene. When he came home, he couldn't focus and made his first obscene phone.
District Attorney gives a press conference threatening those making obscene phone calls and talks about all of the new technology the authorities have to catch the callers.
Mr. Smith continues that after he was caught making an obscene phone call, his wife and family left him. Mr. Smith leaves and calls Alice and they have phone sex into the night and morning.