Yoga Hosers (2016)
Two convenience store workers must fight against tiny Hitler sausages.
Genre
Characters/Groups
Colleen Collette - Lily-Rose Depp
Colleen McKenzie - Harley Quinn Smith
Toilet Paper Man - Harley Morenstein
Hunter Calloway - Austin Butler
Gordon Greenleaf - Tyler Posey
Ms. McKenzie - Jennifer Schwalbach
Ms. Wicklund - Genesis Rodriguez
Adrien Arcand - Haley Joel Osment
Andronicus Arcane - Ralph Garman
Principal Invincible - Sasheer Zamata
Canadian Bat, Man! - Kevin Conroy
Goalie Golem - David "House" Greathouse
Character thumbnails with links to profiles
Detailed Synopsis
Colleen Collette, Colleen McKenzie and Ichabod are conducting band practice in the back area of the Eh-2-Zed. After finishing a song and a lengthy drum solo by Ichabod, they hear banging and put their uniforms on and return to the front of the store and remove their "urinary tract infection back in 10 sign". Toilet Paper Man complains that the store was closed for a lot longer than ten minutes. As Ichabod is leaving, a tiny creature with a pointy helmet watches him. 'Peg Mom and 'Peg Son walk to the counter and she purchases cigarettes, an entertainment magazine, cereal and some condoms. Before leaving, 'Peg Mom notices the framed newspaper clipping about the two Colleens saving a man. Hunter Calloway walks into the store and Colleen M. excitedly tells Colleen C. Gordon Greenleaf walks up to them and asks where the Pepto-Bismal is at. Hunter invites them to a party he is having on Friday. As Toilet Paper Man is walking home with his toilet paper, he hears a noise and is then attacked and killed when a Bratzi climbs into his butt. The Colleens go to talk with Ms. McKenzie, but she tells Colleen M. she can't go. Ms. McKenzie relents only if Colleen takes a switchblade she calls the Mohel. The Colleens go to Yogi Bayer's yoga studio to practice yoga. He tells them that while he was looking at CanadianCorpses.com that the police have been finding body parts scattered around.
Bob Collette walks into Colleen C.'s room while she and Colleen M. are trying on clothes for the party on Friday. They tell him about the senior party they are going to and Tabitha walks into the room. Bob tells her about the senior party and after Tabitha makes a comment about them only allowed to go to sophomore parties, Colleen C. insults Tabitha's intelligence. Tabitha then complains about the Colleens' band practice at the store and how they don't clean up and all the beaver plush animals are missing. After Bob and Tabitha leave, the Colleen's perform a rendition of Babe by Styx. At school, Ms. Wicklund chastises the Colleens for not participating in P.E. yoga and takes away their cellphones. In history class, Ms. Maurice is about to continue teaching about World War II when Gordon asks why they even need to learn about it. She tells them that during WWII, there were Nazis in Winnipeg and she tells them the story of the Swastika Club, the Canadian Union of Fascists and Adrien Arcand. In a flashback, Adrien Arcand gives a speech to a small crowd of locals blaming Jewish people for their economic plights. He shows them a presentation board illustrated with cartoon beavers, espousing the deportation of Canadian Jewish people. The crowd leaves in disgust except for one person, Andronicus Arcane. Ms. Maurice continues that Andronicus and Adrien would join forces and harass immigrants. Eventually Adrien was arrested while Andronicus disappeared. After school the Colleens go to collect their cellphones from Principal Invincible. After they complain about not having their cellphones, Principle Invincible is sarcastic with them and their upper class privilege.
Guy Lapointe introduces himself to the Colleens and in the library they mention how they remember him. He shows them a photo of Toilet Paper Man and tells them Toilet Paper Man was a fugitive from the law and he asks them questions about their encounter with Toilet Paper Man. Before leaving he tells them Toilet Paper Man was killed. They run to Colleen C.'s home when they get a message that Bob is making them work on Friday. Bob tells them he and Tabitha are going on a trip to Niagara Falls. During yoga class, Yogi Bayer gets a call from a lawyer from Warner Brothers threatening legal action for his name. He tells the Colleens all they need to deal with stress in life is the Warrior One and Warrior Two poses. At work, Canadian Bat, Man! buys a pack of cigarettes and when they give him the wrong one and sarcastically apologize, he tells them they are not being very Canadian. As a Bratzi is walking toward the Colleens, Colleen M.'s phone rings and Hunter asks her where she is at. She tells him they got called into work and Colleen C. invites him to a party at the convenience store. After getting off the phone, Hunter tells Gordon that if they go to the store to hang out they can take their time killing the Colleens instead of killing them and burying them in shallow graves like they planned. The Colleen's close the store and Hunter and Gordon show up. Colleen M. takes Hunter to the back of the store while Colleen C. stays with Gordon. Hunter tells Colleen M. he and Gordon are Satan worshipers and he wants her virgin soul. He pulls out a knife and is about to stab Colleen M. when she pulls out the switchblade Ms. McKenzie gave her and shoves the knife point against his crotch. Hunter suddenly screams out and thrashes on the ground and a Bratzi comes out of his mouth. As Gordon is about to kill Colleen with a hammer, a Bratzi enters his anus and kills him.
The Bratzi chases Colleen C. until it is grabbed by Colleen M. who throws it into the microwave and heats it until it explodes. Another Bratzi appears and the Colleens pull it apart. The power is cut forcing the generator to come on and the Colleens call 911 and tell the Dispatcher they are being attacked by tiny sausage men who look like Hitler and the Dispatcher tells them Hitler is worse than Doctor Doom and Darth Vader combined. More Bratzis appear and the Colleens use yoga to kill The Bratzis. The police arrive and the Colleens are arrested for the murder of Hunter and Gordon. At the police station, Rogue Cop sneaks Guy into the Colleens' interrogation room. Guy tells them Ms. McKenzie is trying to bail them out but the Royal Canadian Mounted Police won't let serial killers out on bail. They tell him the Bratzis killed Hunter and Gordon and he tells them he went to the store and found the remains of a Bratzi and shows them a land purchase agreement from 1939 in which Adrien bought acreage that the store now sits on. Colleen C. tells Guy he has to get them out so she can show him the store's secret passage. Guy breaks them out of the police department and they get upset when they find out he also didn't steal their cellphones from the police. While changing out of their prison uniforms, the Colleens find a secret passageway in the restroom after Colleen C. told Colleen M. she had lied to Guy about one. Guy hears the Colleens scream and as he goes into the bathroom he is injected with a sleep serum by a Bratzi.
He and the Colleens are taken into the secret underground bunker where Andronicus sits eating Pucky Charms cereal. To make them feel more secure Andronicus speaks to them mimicking Al Pacino, who neither Colleen correctly know of. He tells them, his job was to build a clone army that would conquer Canada and the United States. He tells them he used his own DNA and made the Bratzis out of German shipped bratwurst and sauerkraut and then placed himself in a cryogenic chamber that was supposed to last for 100 years. When the Colleens blew the power out during practice one time, Andronicus' generator stopped and he was woken up and his Bratzis were stunted. He tells them after he was unfrozen he would go into the store after it closed and watch Netflix and has sculpted a new piece, the Goalie Golem, He lets the Colleens go so they can photograph him so he can make it in Them Weekly magazine in the Just Like Us section, but they tell him they don't have their phones. Andronicus gets upset and has the remaining Bratzis climb into the Goalie Golem and The Bratzis animate the Goalie Golem. Andronicus then sets the Goalie Golem loose to kill all the art critics in Canada. When the Colleens go to stop the Goalie Golem, the Goalie Golem goes to attack them and Andronicus yells at them to stop, but is then killed by the Goalie Golem. The Colleens destroy the Goalie Golem by hitting it and then crushing The Bratzis that fall out when they hit it. Afterwards, the Colleens make it on the cover of Them Weekly. At the yoga studio Yogi Bayer gets a call from the Warner Brothers lawyers again over adding a sign to his studio "Home of the Berlin Battlin' Boo-Boo Bayers!" Window Banger knocks on the window of the yoga studio and tells the Colleens he is a fan of theirs. Yogi Bayer tells the Colleens he is proud of them and Bob calls Colleen C. and tells her she has work that night. At work, the Colleens add a sign to the front door saying they will be back and then practice in the back by doing a rendition of O Canada with Ichabod.